


WYSIWYG

by cupidsbow



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Character Study, Deception, Misunderstanding, Multi, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-18
Updated: 2010-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-07 08:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsbow/pseuds/cupidsbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's the thing about Ianto Jones: what you see, is what you get.</p>
            </blockquote>





	WYSIWYG

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 14 Days of Love, 2010.

1.

Here's the thing about Ianto Jones: what you see, is what you get.

It is not a trick. It is not a cover for hidden depths. He is entirely as ordinary as he seems.

He is just an Archivist, albeit one who is very good at his job.

 

2.

When you look at Ianto Jones, what you see is a young, white, 21st-century Welshman.

 

3.

"Born: 19th of August 1983," Jack said, and of course, Ianto did not dispute it.

Why would he? That was what the official record stated. Ianto Jones _was_ born on the 19th of August in 1983.

That made him twenty-three. These things are relative, of course, but by most standards, a man that young would barely be considered a man at all.

Barely a man at all.

 

4.

"You have such pale skin," Lisa told him, fascinated, stroking his metacarpus. They had just had sex. It was the first time Ianto Jones had been sexually intimate with another human being.

He liked it.

"It's like you came out of a box, or something," Lisa said. "Your skin is so perfect." She pressed a trail of kisses the length of his triceps.

Ianto Jones understood enough about human nature to know this: perfection was worthy of notice. "You're just smitten," he said. "Unlike me, of course. I can say totally objectively that your skin is perfect."

Lisa laughed and kissed him again, this time on the mouth.

Lisa had a melodic laugh. It rose and fell in a regular pattern between 1,000 and 2,000 Hertz, before descending and trailing off into silence.

Ianto liked her laugh almost as much as the sex.

When they woke up in the morning, and daylight streamed in through the window, Lisa took great delight in finding three moles on Ianto's back, and trails of freckles on his forearms and neck.

"I guess I'm not smitten any more," she said.

"Perhaps I grew some imperfections in the night, just to test your devotion," Ianto said.

"Yes," Lisa said, "that's a much more likely explanation. I guess my shallowness is revealed."

Ianto agreed that her fickle nature had indeed been revealed, and was rewarded with a pillow to the head.

 

5.

Ianto Jones was born on the 19th of August 1983.

He died on the 10th of September 2005.

If a death certificate were to have been issued, it would likely have read: _Death by Torchwood_.

There was no death certificate.

On the 11th of September 2005, Ianto Jones walked into the archives at Torchwood One at 7:54am, carrying a cup of Starbuck's coffee, just as he always did.

"Yo!" said Brian, grabbing the cup out of Ianto's hand and taking a giant swig. "Did you hear what happened last night? You were well out of it, my son. Even if you are a dimwit for taking holidays in winter."

"I only just got back from Wales," Ianto said, making no attempt to regain his coffee. "What happened?"

"Timequake, according to the readings. And we got a little present from the future dumped practically in our laps -- just a street away from your flat, in fact. This honking great box just dropped out of the air. _Splat!_ Took out a fire hydrant and several feet of ornamental hedge. Made a right mess. Nearly swallowed yours truly when I tried to take the temporal reading." Brian adopted a heroic pose and added suitable arm motions to illustrate the tale. "Out roped this tentacle, and it started pulling me in! It felt like something out of a BDSM nightmare -- all rubbery and not in the good way. But then _Smith_ arrived," it was clear Brian was smitten by Smith, "and she had the Pulse Cannon. The big one, you know? She gave that tentacle what for, just in the nick of time." Brian smacked one hand against the counter for emphasis. "The tentacle let me go again, then. It sucked itself back inside the box and hasn't made a peep since. Got my blood pumping, though, I tell you what."

"Sounds exciting," Ianto said. "Glad I missed it."

"Ha!" said Brian, and took another gulp of Ianto's coffee. "Hallett's got it down in the lab now." He shuddered.

"Could have been worse," Ianto pointed out. "It could have anal probed you."

"Or cloned me! But at least then I could have bonked myself." Brian drained the last dregs of the coffee and tossed the cup in the bin. "That's the main perk of accidental cloning, right?"

"I suppose. Although technically, I think that being anal probed with a tentacle wins on kink points."

Brian leered. "Just say the word, Jones, just say the word and I'll probe you with my tentacle any time."

"I don't know how I shall resist such an appealing offer," Ianto said, "Oh, wait!" and took himself off to visit Hallett's lab instead.

 

6.

"Have I ever told you that Welsh vowels turn me on?" Jack asked, drowsily, running his hand up and down Ianto's back.

"Everything turns you on."

"Don't be like that, Ianto. Whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Let me revel in that silver tongue of yours."

"I got the accent out of a catalogue, actually," Ianto replied. "Four major 21st-century Earth languages, with eleven regional dialects and sixteen accents at no extra cost."

"Good deal," Jack said, lipping Ianto's neck.

"I'm a satisfied customer," Ianto agreed.

"Do you know, you have the most adorable freckles on your neck. It's like someone put them here, just so I'd have to kiss them."

"Someone was very clever then," Ianto said, arching into Jack's touch. "I'll have to send them a fruit basket."

"Later," Jack said. "There's something I want to show you first."

"Later," Ianto agreed. "Research always comes first." Jack was a very rich subject of study.

 

7.

Ianto Jones' death certificate was issued by Dr Martha Jones of UNIT. It stated:

> **Full name of deceased:** Ianto Daffyd Jones   
> **Sex:** Male  
> **Age:** 26  
> **Birth place:** Wales  
> **Occupation:** Archivist  
> **Date of death:** 2009 July 09  
> **Location of death:** Thames House, London  
> **Cause of death:** Cerebral Hemorrhage  
> 

Dr Martha Jones signed it as a true and accurate record of death, even though she knew it was not.

In fact, only one datum in the whole document was true.

 

8.

Ianto Jones _is_ an Archivist.

His final report begins, "The twenty-first century is, famously, when everything changed. It is almost impossible from a contemporary perspective to understand the people of that era, and the quaint categories through which they articulated their world."

It is exactly as boring as it sounds.

Ianto Jones has never had any pretensions as a writer.

In fact, Ianto Jones has never pretended to be anything but ordinary.


End file.
